If someone had told me that I was going to fall in love with the person I slept with instead of just telling me I can’t sleep with anyone. And if they had explained that God wants us to wait out of his love for us and his protection of our hearts from excruciating heart break of non committal sex maybe I would have been more cautious. Maybe men would look at women as people to love and cherish instead of possess on their wedding night or be distracted by their shoulders. Maybe women wouldn’t hate themselves for making the mistake of not waiting and know that God only wanted to protect them. Purity culture did not prepare me for my own imperfection as a human and left me in a several year spiral of heartbreak after I had noncommittal sex with someone I thought I loved. They don’t tell you how much that hurts to lose the person after you’ve shown that side of yourself to them.

Sex Is Not the Problem: A Message from Randy Alcorn and Steve Keels on Sexual Purity

Dating/courting has turned into an elaborate set of unwritten rules which must be followed to the letter, no matter what the circumstances. A guy must ask a girl’s dad first, then the guy must ask the girl, then the girl must say yes, then the couple can start seeing each other IN GROUPS (!). If things go well for the first eight months or so, the couple may or may not be allowed to spend semi-unsupervised time together and possibly even (GASP!) hold hands. Once the young man has firmly established himself financially and is sufficiently godly, he can ask the girl to marry him. Both families, as well as lots of church members, must be involved in the entire process, from start to finish. Now, for those who weren’t virgins, I can’t imagine the pain and shame when they heard themselves being compared to chewed up gum or spit in a cup.

Plan to pray at the end of the date to thank Him for it. Knowing this prayer is coming will help you to be sure to control yourself and please God. Avoid fast moving relationships and instant intimacy. In the early 2000s, Joshua Harris’ book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, swept through the Christian world and encouraged Christians to no longer date, but wait for the one person whom they would marry. Josh Harris, the author of a wildly popular manifesto on abstinence before marriage, is separating from his wife—and reevaluating his legacy.

Common ‘Biblical’ Methods and Rules for Dating

Purity goes right along with other spiritual disciplines, such as prayer and Bible study. These are practices that aren’t always easy to implement, but result in profound peace and real growth in our faith. The Bible, from cover to cover, presents a rich explanation of our sexuality, which goes far beyond what many churches have traditionally taught.

It is no surprise to us that long distance relationships invite a different path to navigate, and temptations only grow with the miles. Despite these realities we know the greatest reality is that we do not sail these seas alone. We invite https://mydatingadvisor.com/nextlove-review/ You Lord to work within our inner spirits. Give us hearts that are led by the Spirit of God, not our flesh. Give us the strength to not fall prey to temptations, and above all else assistance in honoring each other and You above all else.


In the wake of the purity movement, many Christians are giving up on biblical sexuality, choosing instead to embrace a cultural, humanistic view of sexuality. It’s time to discover the biblical narrative that can help us make sense of the real challenges we face within the realm of human sexuality. A hangover of the purity movement is the assumption that sexual passion is always wrong. I’ve talked to many Christian married people who have carried this lie into marriage (so many that I can’t even tell you the number). Christian women hope for a switch to flip on when they get married. Sexual responses are wired into the brain as a sensation or action is linked with an emotional response.

Months apart now, as hard as they may feel today, may make all the difference for you forever. Any pleasure in sexual sin comes with the far greater heartaches of resilient shame and broken trust. Even if your failure means the end of a relationship you love, it does not have to mean the end of your hope. Sexual sin should make us stop and ask hard questions about any dating relationship.

Imagine your parents and church leaders are watching you through the window. Be accountable to someone about your physical relationship. Setups include such things as being alone on a couch or in a car late at night or in a bedroom. Amid this overwhelming sea of methods and rules, many Christians wonder what the Bible says about this overly discussed topic and how they should approach dating.

And then choose from your books, or simply search. Psychologist William Marston once asked 300 people, “What do you have to live for? ” Nine out of ten were simply waiting for something to happen–a better job, a new house, a trip, etc. They were putting in time while they waited for an uncertain tomorrow. Men and women must pursue absolute purity when dating.

But it often does exactly the opposite among well-meaning Christians — sealing the commitment, isolating the relationship, and blinding us to glaring concerns. Sexual sin can make us feel more committed — because sex is meant to have that effect — but in the wrong place and with the wrong person . Some Christian men and women feel locked into a dating relationship, even when it’s dysfunctional, and especially after they sin sexually.

Guarding the sacredness of sex is for our highest good. Any sexual activity before marriage pales in comparison to the joy that comes from the unity of sex in marriage. The practice of courtship offered structure which allowed both parties to get to know each other before encountering emotional and physical entanglements.

I cannot, as a biblical matter, give you a specific timeline here. As a practical matter, I think we’re talking a matter of several months, not a year or two. Finally, keep in mind that it is still not advisable to have long, intimate prayer times together at this stage. The situation has obviously changed somewhat, but that is still too tempting and too intimate. Pray with the people that are watching over your relationship.